Sabrina the chauffeur's daughter is hopelessly in love with the younger son of the family for whom her father works. Then she goes to Paris to work, and things are different when she comes back...

Sigh. I saw this when it came out, and evidently it had been a long time since I saw and completely loved the original Sabrina from 1954...because I really, really liked this.

Mr. Otter hates Sabrina, and of course was scornful...but I remained adamant.

And so, when we saw the original Sabrina as one of the movies during our New Year's Day Videofest 2006 (theme: Humphrey Bogart), and of course it was wonderful, I thought, I should watch the newer version and then I can gush about them both and REALLY annoy Mr. Otter.

And so I did. I rented the 1995 version, with Harrison Ford as Humphrey Bogart, Greg Kinnear as William Holden, and Julia Ormond as Audrey Hepburn.

And oh my god, it was the Caddyshack* phenomenon again.

Firstly, what is wrong in this list above? Well, if you're remaking a classic movie, it helps to have stars in it who are AS GOOD OR BETTER than the originals...I mean, imagine Gone with the Wind remade with some ordinary looking guy playing the Clark Gable role, you'd just be asking for trouble right from the get-go.

And so they were. Greg Kinnear is cute, but has no oomph. And he certainly can't hold a candle to Harrison Ford...it was totally unbelieveable that she would be in love with Greg rather than Harrison. Julia Ormond is pretty, I guess, but certainly not enough of a stunning beauty to knock anyone's socks off, as she must be for this to work. And Harrison Ford is a Serious Honey, but he just came through as low key and dorky, and not in any romantic kind of way. It certainly wasn't believeable for her to fall in love with him in two days...whereas Humphrey Bogart as Linus? Chortling over plastic? Making amusing jokes? At himself? Full of charm and wit? no contest. Even when Ford tried to be charming in this, he was just not good at all at it.

And the script. Major rewrites. Way too much talking...but of course the previous cast could convey large amounts of meaning with minimal dialogue...all they seemed to do in this movie is talk and talk and talk.

Some of the supporting characters (like Nancy Marchand) are really good. A few of the jokes made me laugh. Once in a while you could tell that they were trying to make this movie romantic...but really had no clue.

And the ending...sending her off in a plane and then taking another plane over to catch her, totally not romantic. An ocean voyage, now THAT'S romantic...especially when he sends her his hat, oh my god, just thinking about it makes me melt. I do love to see a man in a good hat.

Anyway. This is jello compared to caviar, 7-Up vs. champagne, McDonalds mano-a-mano with prime rib. This movie is so forgettable, so infinitely skippable, so...flat...that I strongly recommend that you forget it was ever made and just go watch the original again. You'll be glad you did.

The Caddyshack Effect: A few years ago, Mr. Otter rented the movie Caddyshack. Oh, I said, I saw that when it came out, when I was about 18- it's THE FUNNIEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD, I went to see it several times and laughed until I cried, you'll love it. And we watched it.

And it was the most godawful unfunny juvenile horrible ICKY movie I had ever seen. I was appalled that I had found it funny, and kind of wierded out that I had changed so much in 20 years.

And Mr. Otter has never let me forget it. Any movie I mention having seen more than 5 years ago and liking receives the snarled rejoinder: "Caddyshack!" and scorn heaped on its head. And that will, I'm afraid, be true forever...