Let me just begin this review by saying, I HATE WOODY ALLEN MOVIES.

Everyone got that? one more time:

I HATE WOODY ALLEN MOVIES.

Nope, I can see several of you are about to suggest Woody Allen movies that you think I might like...so let me be perfectly, completely clear about my feelings:

I HATE WOODY ALLEN MOVIES.

Okay. We all got that? good. Now pull up your chairs and gather 'round, 'cause Auntie Otter has got a story to tell y'all:

When I moved in with Mr. Otter, and we're talking 25 years and counting, there was a weekend when Railroad David was visiting. They had been talking, and they had decided that I needed to be introduced to the ouevre of said filmmaker.

So they TIED ME TO THE COUCH FOR THE WEEKEND and showed me MOVIE AFTER MOVIE. All of which I hated. Not funny. Not amusing. Not good. And they would say, over and over, in between laughing hysterically at the movie and trying to explain the jokes to me (and I got the jokes, okay, they just WEREN'T FUNNY.) They would say, oh, you hated the last seventeen Woody Allen movies we showed you but you'll love this one.

It is a wonder that I married Mr. Otter at all. He should be eternally grateful.

I saw a few more over the years, Zelig and that truck, if I was with someone (usually Mr. Otter) and they were going. That was back when movies were cheap and I had more free time in my life. But I still really disliked every single one I saw, and I finally said, enough.

So fast forward 25 years. I'm a librarian, and one of the things I have instituted at my library is a film discussion group- like a book discussion group, we watch the movie of the month at home, then come to the meeting to discuss it. This month (January 2008) is comedy month, and the film that was voted on was...Take the Money and Run.

I was honest with the group. I said, I really hate Woody Allen movies. I'll try to watch it with an open mind, but I know I've seen it and I hated it so much that I've blotted it from my mind. But I will give it a try.

And so the evening came. The evening before the discussion group met. And dinner was over, phone calls were made, and jammies were put on. And I could no longer put it off.

And we watched it.

And you know what comes next, don't you?

I STILL HATE WOODY ALLEN MOVIES!

HATE! HATE! HATE!!!

It was awful. There we were on the couch, watching this movie. Mr. Otter was chuckling to himself, since he had already seen it many times. I was sitting there woodenly, staring at the screen.

At one point about halfway through, he looked at me. I know you're getting the jokes, he says, you do have an excellent sense of humor...

I am indeed, I said. I keep thinking, That's a joke, it should be funny. BUT IT'S NOT. Nothing in this movie made me laugh, or grin ruefully, or snort. The only thing that came close was the first time they stomped his glasses, but that got old real fast.

I do really truly have a good sense of humor, and think many things are funny. But Woody Allen movies? Not ever in my universe.

The rest of the discussion group loved it and we had a good discussion about it, and what makes movies funny, verging off into Charlie Chaplin and other movies. So I guess it was worth it. But I NEVER HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER WOODY ALLEN MOVIE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN.

Ever.

What a relief.